You’re Scared? Yeah, me too.

“When at first I learned to speak, I used all my words to fight. With him and her and you and me, but it’s just a waste of time.” -Avett Brothers

I, like many of you, am scared. I was scared even before the results of the election had been announced. And even before I cast my ballot on Tuesday.

I don’t know about you, but fear makes me act in ways I don’t normally act. The sides of my stomach get really tight. I have tingly feelings in my arms. Sometimes it’s hard to swallow. And my cheeks ache. It’s almost like all this energy manifests itself into something other than who I am and is just bubbling up, ready to roar out of my mouth.

Let me begin by saying this: While I did vote, I did not vote for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. When a ballot comes down to two parties boasting individuals such as these for me to vote into office, I use my right to look elsewhere. And I found a candidate who was speaking the language and the vision I want for America: Evan McMullin. I knew he would not win, and some of you may say that I threw my vote away, but I did what I knew to be right in my heart.

I voted. I still believe in the process.

Before the results came in very early Wednesday morning, I imagined how I would feel if I woke up and Hillary Clinton was President. Some of me would have been very disappointed. And some of me would have been relieved. I imagined how I would feel if I woke up and Donald Trump was President. Some of me would have been very disappointed. And some of me would have been relieved.

Both candidates spoke to a problem I face each and every day. Each candidate represented something I hope this nation gains, not at one time or another, but always. But even though the candidates wanted to offer a solution to a problem, both, for me, represented everything that is wrong with our country.

Still I knew that either way, I was not going to be scared by the result of the election. Having been alive for 37 years, I know that Presidents, Congresses and Senates, along with every other elected official, come and go. I watched when eight years of a Democrat Clinton turned into eight years of a Republican Bush and then eight years of a Democrat Obama. We’ve had a majority Democrat and a majority Republican in both the Senate and House. These people speak and promise and underperform time and time again.

For me, whether Trump or Clinton were elected President, I knew my life would go on the way that it always does.

But, in many ways, this year has been different. My life has not gone on as it always does. I have seen people with pursed lips talk about politics. I have read some really disheartening posts on Facebook and Instagram. There has been name calling and unfriending and it seems like everyone is shouting, “YOU DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE SO I’M NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.” And then they stomp off to the other room to wrap themselves up in a phone cord while they tell their best friends how terrible you are.

This, friends, this is what scares me. There is a great divide in this country. I actually believe divide is good. A difference of opinion often times pushes a group to work towards common ground where something magical is created. But instead, in this 2016 case, a difference of opinion, a deep divide in this country, means that all rationale is pushed out the window and we are stuck in a house breathing our own toxic air.

I imagine many people might respond to that comment as their attitude comes from the top down, but I would like to remind them that the “top” they are referring to is still President Obama at this point in time.

The question has been posed many times: Why would someone vote for Donald Trump? Why would someone vote for Hillary Clinton? And for me, the scary thing is that we ask these questions, and make up our own answers without listening to the person the question was directed to.

We assume that the “uneducated” (meaning they don’t have a college degree), white male is the only one who would vote for Trump. We’ve called him a bigot and a racist, selfish and moronic. As if not having a college degree means that you must have a bad heart. We assume that only the “compassionate” or minority would vote for Clinton because they want to take whatever they can get from everyone else.

*Now demographics do not show everything; a number can’t tell you what is in someone’s heart. But when we look at statistics like gender and a college degree, we will see that our assumptions are not true.

Fourty-two percent of women voted for Trump. Forty-five percent of college graduates and 37 percent of those with at least some postgraduate study voted for Trump. Nearly 50 percent of persons within the financial brackets of $50,000-$99,999, $100,000-$199,999, $200,000-$249,999 and $250,000 or more voted for Trump.

These statistics don’t show that only uneducated white men voted for Trump. Nor do they show that only the rich voted for Trump; nearly another 50-percent of voters within the same financial brackets voted for Hillary.

So, why would someone vote for Trump? When he first announced his candidacy, I said the same thing. “Why would someone vote for a man who kept Omarosa on the Apprentice so long?” I knew he would not get my vote even before the tapes came out where he proved himself to be someone who makes my heart hurt.

But some, or 69 percent of Americans who felt this country the condition of the nation’s economy and 78 percent of those who felt their family’s financial situation was worse than it was when Obama was elected in 2008, might vote for Trump because they just aren’t making ends meat.

It’s not because they hate Muslim, Black or Hispanic people, it’s not because they want to keep you from marrying the love of your life, it’s not because they care if you are transgender or because they want to keep women in the kitchen cooking them dinner. Yes, I know there are some racist, misogynist jerks out there who voted for Trump. I know there are some who also voted for Hillary. But I believe that the majority of the people who voted for Trump just wanted the promise or idea of someone or something different.

These people, much like those who also voted for Hillary, are farmers and small business owners who are finding it hard to live their American dream (which may just be to pay rent, not climb the corporate ladder) or even provide opportunity for someone else to live that dream, too. They are church leaders, community leaders, teachers, millennials, grandmas and grandpas. They are just looking for something/someone different.

Whether you are Republican or Democrat, that’s what 2016 was about. From Bernie Sanders to Evan McMullin to Donald Trump, this election was about the promise or idea of something or someone different.

But I have news for you (I don’t know why this is news, but at the rate people are crumbling over these election results, it must be news): The American government was not set-up or established to be something different. The American government, with all of its checks and balances, was set up to govern. Govern, my friends, means to to “make decisions about laws, taxes, social programs for a state or country.”

That’s it. The American government is not an entity that we are supposed to find our identity in. The American government was established so that we are free to find our own identity and strengths separate from State.

We, by way of the Constitution, are given certain rights such as the freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, to worship any God and the right to assemble (peacefully) so that we both individually and as a whole can reach our full potential. The government is there to ensure that we continue to have those rights both in our own country and without the threat of those rights being taken away by another country.

The protection of our rights come from not a President, or any one branch of government, but are ensured by the checks and balances our the entire system. Sometimes we seem to forget that there is an entire system in place.

That’s the government’s role. I would argue that both sides, Republican and Democrat, said in our 240th year as a nation, we are not feeling the freedom of our rights; we don’t feel valued or safe anymore. We feel threatened by our government. But, let’s remember, the American people also said that in 2008 and 2002, among other instances in our Nation’s history.

So, friends, where do we go from here? Do we curl up in a ball on our couch and suck our thumbs? Do we protest by stopping traffic and affecting commerce? Do we rally our sides together because it’s Liberal America vs. Conservative America? Do we look at the old woman with the Trump shirt on and call her a bigot? Do we look at the man in the “I’m with Her” shirt and call him a hero? Do we say “He’ll never be my President,” on social media? Do we teach our children not to respect the long-established peaceful transfer of power? Do we try to figure out a way to still get your favorite candidate to win?

These things are happening. Do they really change anything? Is this how “we go high when they go low?”

I would argue that instead of focusing on what we believe to be the elected solution, we go back to the heart of why this whole thing started to begin with. What is our real problem? Why over the last, I would say 30 years (maybe more), do we continue to let this problem fester? Why do we feel so strongly one way or the other?  

Is it because we think the liberal just want big government and because we think the conservatives just want to take all of our rights away? Are these statements even true?  If not, then why do we still cling to them so tightly? Are they assumptions we’ve made without asking the other side what they believe or how they feel?

I was scared even before the election because I saw that we, as a people, have lost the ability to listen, to look at our neighbor’s face when they hold a different view, to understand what their world looks like, what they need and how we can help.

Help does not come from the government entity. I can’t think of a single problem that the government has resolved in our lives that they did not first create. Whether Hillary or Trump is the President, I’m still going to have problems. I’m still going to be a woman in a man’s world. I’m still going to have debt because I went to college. I’m still going to be a mom and want to have a profession. These things are still going to be happening no matter who is President. My world wouldn’t have opened up magically on Tuesday if we’d elected Hillary. I’d still be me in my life.

What I refuse to do is put my identity, my hopes, my dreams into a President or a government. And I refuse to put your identity, your hopes and your dreams into who you voted for President. I believe in the goodness of America because I believe in the good hearts of the American people.

I know many of you are scared right now. I get scared. I’m scared, too. But please, in your moments of fear, remember that you may act and feel and say things that you do not really mean. It’s coming from the fact that you don’t know how to make sense of what’s going on around you.

In those moments, you have to work to understand your neighbor, your friends, your family member or your fellow American by having an open-minded and open-hearted conversation with them. You have to take what they say, believe them, share and ask them to believe you.

In two years or in four years we will once again get a chance to speak up for the type of America we want. At the end of those elections, more than likely, half of the population will be disappointed by the results. We won’t get our guy or gal. Our team won’t win. But whether, you like it or not (the Conservatives didn’t like it in 2008) Donald Trump is OUR President right now. 

But we’ve got many, many more years together. So line up behind your teammates, put out your right hand and tell the other side good game.

Then go work on your ball handling skills, improve your batting average, become faster, better and stronger so that your team, America, can succeed. It’s up to us to make this place work. It’s their job to govern. It’s our job to care, help and love one another. That’s what makes America great. Us, together.

* New York Times exit poll results