During our morning routine yesterday, my children noticed that their favorite breakfast and lunch items were not in the pantry. I asked them to write what they wanted on the grocery list and give it to their dad because he works right next to a grocery store.
My son grabbed the paper and while he finished his bacon and peanut butter sandwich, he wrote “Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” He was at the breakfast bar, and the girls were at the table, so I asked him to add avocado, wheat bread, Eggos and syrup.
He jotted the list and then put a box around the top item, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Now, the youngest of three in a fairly chaotic house, my son looks for attention. There are times when he puts himself first and puts his needs above others. So, I said, “Buddy, your cereal isn’t any more important than anything else on that list.”
He looked at me fairly defeated and said, “I was just putting a box around it because it takes up two lines and the rest of the items just take up one line.”
I walked around the counter, kissed his forehead and apologized. Then, my heart ached for a while because I realized that over the last few years there has been a huge shift in my heart.
I used to believe that everyone is made up of goodness and that everyone, even if something goes awry, has good intentions. Then, a whole slew of very hurtful situations in my life happened, and I began to see that everyone’s intentions are not what I believe: sometimes people are just hurtful for their own gain.
And my disbelief in people has snowballed into me looking at my own 10-year old boy and accusing him of being selfish, even when he is not being selfish.
The scariest part of all of this is that when we believe people don’t have good intentions behind what they say and do, we begin not to trust, either. When we don’t trust people, we can’t be a safe place for them to be human and we won’t find a safe place to be human, either.
That is basically the loneliest place anyone can be.
The thing that I know about being human is that we all make mistakes. At some point, we will hurt and at some point, we will be hurt. This is going to happen more than once in our lifetime.
Sometimes that hurt comes in when we are misunderstood. Sometimes when people see us for who we aren’t instead of who we are trying to be, we put up a wall before we even speak because we’re conditioned to know that our good intentions will not even be seen.
So you walk around with a wall up towards me. And I walk with a wall up towards you. And then we never feel the power of understanding and grace and love. I know that the human experience is not meant to be lived under such stress.
So, I need to go back. I need to start seeing the goodness in others again. I need to start telling them about it again and I need to believe that everyone has good intentions again. I know this won’t happen overnight. In fact, there are some people who may never receive my trust again. But I can start small. I can start with my own children so that they will know that at least I tried to let them be and let them change. And hopefully, they will be able to take that with them as they go into relationships.
