When we purchased our home over two years ago, we immediately wanted to make some changes. The bi-level, boxed-in concept isn’t really our style. All the walls were different shades of white. All the brass fixtures reminded us of our childhood in the 90’s.
But the core of the house has good bones. We want to be in this house for the rest of our lives, so over time, we plan to fix it up to reflect our personalities.
So far, we’ve torn down some walls, replaced the flooring and painted. With a slew of unfinished projects and two minds which are always thinking about how to make things more functional, we still have a lot of work to do. Even in the chaos of our lives right now, I can walk into this house and say, yes, in every aspect, this reflects who we are.
The first thing we did when we moved into the ouse was paint and decorate the kid’s bedrooms. They picked the wall colors, bedding and decorations. My oldest daughter wanted to show off her flashy style with hot pink walls and zebra print bedding. My middle daughter wanted paisley, colorful bedding which matched her lime green, bright orange and sky blue walls. She also brought her daintiness into the room with a small chandelier. My then six-year-old son wanted to remain loyal to his team as he chose gold wall paint, and Purdue decorations.
This summer, as the major part of our renovation began, my daughters moved from the comfort of their basement bedrooms into plain space upstairs so we could have office space in the basement. Even with their belongings, their rooms have not reflected their “style” at all during this time.
With the long winter, and a lot of idle time, the girls have itched to make the space their own. Even my son has some ideas on how to update his room.
Kids are constantly changing. One moment they are small and the next moment someone is commenting on how big they’ve become. As we transition from toys to ideas, I am constantly amazed that my children-while still children-are becoming people.
I gaze at them in wonder as I think about their transformation from small princesses who walked around the mall decked out in their Halloween costumes to young women who have complex thoughts. As my son’s shoulders broaden, I also see his world broaden from only thinking about himself to openly expressing his interest in other people.
I can see all of them make the change from people who want to play with something given to them to people who want to provide something useful to this world. They are constantly looking for ways to infuse themselves into life; whether they are making something or spending time with friends.
I can see this in the design they have picked out for their rooms. They no longer want every aspect of their lives to be loud.They are becoming people of balance and expression.
Just as I was not excited about their loud rooms two years ago, I am not completely enchanted by every decorating decision they make today. I was over the whole skinny jean fad the moment it came out, but it continues to be a staple in my daughter’s wardrobe. There are some days when I look at my middle daughter and ask myself if she is colorblind because the flower skirt with the neon striped leggings and pineapple shirt hurt my eyes. And then there is my son who will only wear athletic pants and t-shirts year round.
While I can do without the brass, the 90’s taught me a lot about self-expression. Just within my graduating class of 360 students, we experimented with preppy, goth, hip hop and grunge looks. Our clothes were often baggy, boys sometimes wore dresses, dog collars were noticeable and at some point we all had hemp necklaces or WWJD bracelets.
At the time, it was classified as self-expression. We’ve got to be able to express ourselves. But in retrospect I can see that our style was less about self-expression and more about just figuring out our identity in this big world where how we appear on the outside is deemed as an indicator of who we are on this inside.
While our attire and bedroom decorations were often vehicles to help us fit into a crowd, they often changed over time. The core of our being, who we really are on the inside, remained the same over many phases and time.
I know one of my children is a curious, imaginative, independent creator. She’s always been eclectic, a big idea thinker, the one who always has to be doing something. She’s interested in how she can serve those she cares about. She can wear blue jeans or butterfly wings; her core will always be the same.
I know the other one has been social from the day he was born. He has always been on the go, playful and always looking for ways to make people laugh. If you leave him alone for too long, he will get insecure. He’ll always have a gentle heart which cares about the well-being of others. Whether he wears a suit to work or dies his hair blue; his core will always be the same.
I know my oldest just wants to belong and be included. She is wise and soft. She’s confident in what she thinks and believes, but needs to be understood and accepted. Even from a very young age, she’s always been passive and full of grace. She has always been aware of others around her, and actively shows her genuine care. Whether her walls are hot pink or light pink; her core will always be the same.
This won’t be the last time we decorate their rooms. And I know the hipster, flower child and sport guru facade will also fade away with time. While I think it is my job to make sure my children are well-informed, I think more importantly, the best way I can show them love is to remember their innate characteristics as they grow. Especially in the moments they forget.
One day they will leave this home. And one day, my husband and I will add our own flair to their spaces. But right now, I don’t want to put their choices into a box. I want them to be able to explore and express themselves in a safe environment. One that doesn’t hand out criticism or ridicule based on my personal tastes, but encourages them discovering their independence.
