Big changes have happened around here recently. My husband took a new job. My son is now in third grade. I have two girls in junior high, and I’m not even sure how that happened.
But it happened. Like overnight.
The beginning of the school year is a nervous time for all children, I think. Most of them don’t want to go back to school, but I’m sure even those who anxiously await the middle to end of August have butterflies in their stomach. The unknown of new teachers, old friends, new routines, old lockers. Not even new school supplies can subside the wonder and dread of the first few days.
And as a parent who stayed at home with the kids for 12 years, and now works from home, the beginning of the school year is always jolting. I go from endless days of hearing their voices and laughter or catering to their every need to complete silence. I will admit, I’m by far more productive when they are at school, but I still miss them.
The beginning of this school year was particularly nerve racking for me because my oldest daughter, who hasn’t wanted her hair even trimmed (we’ve had it trimmed, though) in the last five years decided she wanted to trade her thick brown hair, which made the most beautiful messy bun, for short, manageable hair.
What kicked into my head was pictures of little Dani with a boy-like haircut or a junior high Dani with the boy-like haircut and a perm (What happens to us in middle school should stay in middle school). Since her build and hair are similar to mine, I tried to talk her out of this mistake that would forever scar her.
“Are you sure you want it short?” “Yes.” “But have you thought about how you won’t be able to style it?” “Yes.” “Remember that one time they cut off too much of your hair and you freaked out for a month? I don’t want to hear you complain after it’s gone.” “Mom.”
Unintentionally, I made her cry. Truth is, she was going to cut her hair. And she just wanted my support.
I will admit I was fearful of her cutting her hair. On the surface, it scared me to think that she’d cut something that a few years ago she wanted so badly to grow out. I feared that she would not like it and then have to live with the dramatic change while it grew back.
On a deeper level, I was scared that her identity, the girl with thick, lush hair would be gone. I feared she’d go through an identity crisis.
But truth be told, she is not going through an identity crisis. My oldest daughter knows who she is in ways most 13 year old girls can’t even begin to fathom. And I could see that my fear was based in something far bigger than worry about her hair. I realized this haircut was a physical mark from my daughter the child to my daughter the young woman.
.She’s been out of the doll and princess phase for a while, but that didn’t come with a physical change to her appearance. This haircut, though, tells the whole world that she is transitioning from needing me for a lot of things to finding her own voice, her own identity, her own beliefs.
The hair was a way for her to gain that. It was a way for her to shed some of those childish layers and try on a new pair of shoes. Cutting her hair off was one of those teenage moves that so many of her peers are doing in many different ways.
And luckily, I identified my discomfort with her decision before it was too late. I told her that in my heart I knew she was growing up. And I know from this point on there are going to be many more changes to come where I’ll have to let go.
And just like every new step with her (because everything is new with your first child), I get scared. Because I don’t know what those new things look like.
Her first boyfriend. Her first kiss. She’ll be gone at summer school and band camp next summer. She’ll start to drive a car. And if she’s anything like me, I’ll never see her again after that. Then she’ll go to college and my baby will be gone forever! (please add a slightly over-dramatic mother tone to that statement)
But as her mom, I need to remember her clothing styles have changed, her body has changed, her room decorations have changed, but she has always been the same girl. And she’s also just always wanted someone to talk to, people who understand her, people who support her.
And I need to always be that for her. I know that her haircut will the smallest of the changes. And the least of her problems. I’m her mom. While it’s important that I give her the knowledge and tools she needs to make decisions in the future, it’s also important that she knows I am a safe place; one that will support her even through my fear of letting go.
****By the way, her haircut looks amazing, and fits her personality perfectly. Kara Granadino at Images Hair Design did an amazing job!
