While emptying the dishwasher with me last week, my blonde daughter who only enjoys direct answers asked me, “What do you think Jordyn (my oldest) will be when she grows up?”
I very matter of factly said, “I think J will be kind when she grows up,” I said.
“No mom! Like what do you think she’ll beeeee when she grows up?” she said with annoyance.
“I think J will be nice when she grows up,” I said.
She stopped. Raised her eyebrows. Took a deep, “why does my mom have to be so difficult,” sigh and said, “Mom. What do you think Jordyn will do for a job?”
“Well, El, I don’t know, but I hope that while she’s doing her job she’s very kind,” I replied.
Recently, my son told my husband he wants to study football in college. My heart pretty much sunk when Andrew told me this the next day. When I was growing up I wanted to be a professional bike rider, then I was going to be the first girl to play first base for the Chicago Cubs, and then I wanted to play professional basketball, although at the time this wasn’t an option in the United States.
Because my focus was all on sports, my grades were poor and my attitude was prideful. I’m not going to tell you that these things were acceptable because I spent almost all of my twenties not only figuring out what I wanted to do and teaching myself how to do it, but I also spent SO much time figuring out who I wanted to be.
I’m as guilty as anyone. I’ve asked my kids what they want to be when they grow up so many times. I worry that when they get ready to go to college they’ll have no direction, and won’t be able to survive on their own. I picture them homeless on the street because they don’t have the initiative to do a craft at home or to practice their sport like I did when I was younger.
That’s the mom in me. And this is, too. Looking back on life, and on all the things we all wanted to be when we grow up, I know approximately three people who actually do those things. My husband and my friends Ashley and Darren. I’m sure there are more, but that’s what all I’ve got right now.
The rest of us had an idea. Going into college, I thought I wanted to be an English Lit. teacher. But I’ve spent 13 years being a mom , a few being a basketball coach and even less as a writer. And I can go through a list of people who thought they knew at 8, 10 and 13 what they wanted to be, and I can tell you that their careers are drastically different.
It’s great to dream. It’s fantastic to have passions. I love when my kids can’t get enough of something. But realistically, life is going to happen to them. Their interests are going to change. And they very well may end up with a career that’s not their first choice.
So I want to take a different approach to the “what do you want to BE when you grow up?” question. I want them to know that a career or a job is something they do. And that their personality and character can be put into their career. Jordyn’s kindness, Ella’s creative thinking, Davin’s work ethic can all be put into a job.
And to me, seeing my children grow up to be thoughtful, loving and interesting people is more important than knowing that they’ll be a baker, an athlete or a scientist.
