By FRED KRONER
fred@mahometnews.com
Maria Ross believes she is still suffering lingering effects from issues she had to deal with as a high school runner under the tutelage of her Mahomet-Seymour High School coach, Bonnie Moxley.
Ross, a 2017 M-S graduate, is now attending Southern Illinois University at Carbondale.
“Eating and my body image has been a struggle for me,” Ross said. “I definitely eat less, count calories and eat only healthy choices.
“I feel if I didn’t have exposure to that, I wouldn’t think anything about it, but at a young age, to be told what you need to do affects your brain and messes with you.”
Other former members of M-S’ girls’ cross-country or track and field programs say they are continuing to deal with repercussions from being in Moxley’s program.
For 2015 M-S graduate Megan Perrero — like many of the other former Bulldogs who spoke — the ultimate goal was to please the veteran coach.
“It was in my first week of track that I was at home trying to make myself throw up to be skinnier,” Perrero said. “I remember calling my best friend sobbing to her that I wanted to be skinny like the upperclassmen, and I just wanted to be good for Bonnie.”
Feeling guilty
The body image was important, Perrero believed.
“I remember feeling guilty and like a failure any time I wasn’t eating as healthy as I could,” Perrero said. “I remember trying to eat meals being a battle every day for me.
“I didn’t want to lose and let my team down by not having a healthy diet, but I also tried to restrict myself, so then I would just binge at night instead. I remember wanting to always please her, but never feeling good enough or what I was giving was enough.”
Olivia Meyer, a 2017 M-S graduate, is now a freshman at the University of Kentucky, studying health sciences, Meyer sought therapy, she said, “for about a year and a half,” while competing for M-S.
That in itself added to her level of stress, she said.
“My depression got worse as time went on and I would have to skip one practice a month or so for therapy,” Meyer said. “All the other appointments had to be during school. Bonnie would be so mad at me for missing (practice) that I told my parents that the appointments weren’t working so I wouldn’t continue to let down my coach and get nasty looks from her.”
One irony, Meyer said, is that her depression was centered around trying to make a favorable impression with her coach.
“My depression stemmed from the constant reminder from my coach that I could never gain her affection and that as much as I try, I could never be good enough,” Meyer said.
Meyer stopped the therapy appointments, though what she told her parents wasn’t accurate.
“I did feel that therapy helped, but it wasn’t worth the negative repercussions from Bonnie,” Meyer said.
“My coping was cutting myself off and on,” Meyer continued. “I would also control my eating. I was barely 105 pounds and I felt the need to cut down fat more and more.
“My support was my parents and my older sister. A lot of my friends didn’t know. I started harming myself freshman year and it became hard to stop. I still struggle with it today, but at a lesser extent.”
Back to running
Jessica Butcher, a 2008 M-S graduate, has come full circle with her running.
She was coached by Moxley for three years in cross-country and track and field and — as a state medal-winner — had high expectations.
“I was elected captain during both my junior and senior year, and had plans to run for Eastern Illinois University,” Butcher said.
Instead, she dropped off of the Bulldogs’ teams as a senior and bypassed a collegiate running career to be a student at Southern Illinois University, in Carbondale.
“Why?” she asked, before supplying the answer. “Bonnie Moxley.
“As a teenage girl, I began to develop a negative sense of self and unhealthy thinking patterns surrounding weight and body image. Unfortunately, these issues led to an eating disorder in my early 20s.
“With proper support and treatment, I was able to overcome the eating disorder and develop a healthy relationship with my body. However, one common theme that kept coming up in my therapy sessions was not feeling good enough due to my weight, stemming from those high school running days. It’s a confusing thing as a teenager, to have a coach whom you trust and admire, tell you that you are too heavy to be a good distance runner.”
And now?
“I continue to run and it is still a passion of mine,” said Butcher, who estimated her high school weight at 110 pounds. “I ran the Chicago Marathon in 2016.”
Meyer’s high school experiences didn’t sour her on running either.
“I fell back in love with running while being part of the (Champaign-based) Second Wind Running Club,” Meyer said. “I learned how to better myself as a runner and even though I was younger than most members, I was welcomed by everyone. I ended up finishing first in my age group for my first half-marathon ever. I was faster without the help of Bonnie.”
Meyer is continuing to run at the University of Kentucky as a member of a club running team.
Breaking the silence
Meyer said Moxley’s reputation precluded her from pursuing action.
About half of the former Mahomet-Seymour student-athletes interviewed said they did not take their concerns to the school administration.
The Mahomet Daily contacted Mahomet-Seymour Athletic Director Matt Hensley with questions surrounding any previous conversations with students or their families in relation to concerns or problems with Moxley. Hensley replied, “no comment.”
“Bonnie was untouchable, so neither I nor my parents went to administrators,” Meyer said.
Perrero said she shared some of her feelings with others in confidence.
“Teachers in the high school knew of my issues because I confided in a few of them, but there was always an understanding they wouldn’t say anything,” Perrero said. “Me and my parents never said anything because it clearly wasn’t worth it.
“I also didn’t want to be shunned for the remainder of my high school career. I had already lost a family when I quit the team and I didn’t want to make it any worse.”
Liv Turner, a 2016 M-S graduate, said she primarily discussed the situation with her parents.
“We would say things to the assistant coach (Melody Smith Fonner) and she would understand, but nothing would ever happen,” Turner said.
Fonner said it wasn’t unusual for girls on the team to share problems with her.
“Girls came to me all the time with all kinds of issues,” Fonner said. “I don’t recall any specific conversations. I talked to girls every day about everything.
“Most of the time, girls just need someone to listen or give advice, which I often did. When coaching a group of girls there will always be drama. Every kid comes from a different background and responds differently to coaching tactics. Some are more sensitive than others. Some respond better to stricter discipline. This day and age, it is very hard to be a coach. Anything you do or say can possibly step on someone’s toes or be taken the wrong way.
“What is important is that your intentions for what you say and do with your athletes is for their greater good,” Fonner continued. “With Bonnie, no matter how she came across or was received by different athletes, her intentions were always good. She wanted nothing but the best for these girls.
“I respect that all athletes do have different experiences,” Fonner added. “Not everyone comes out of a program with the same feelings. My hope is that they all realize that their coaches had only their best intentions in mind and would never wish such a negative experience upon them. Our goals were always to produce strong, independent and successful young women physically, emotionally, and academically. They were taught how to be responsible, respectable, and accountable teammates, students, and children.”
Now a sophomore at Heartland Community College, in Normal, Turner said “I was very relieved,” at the news that Moxley had been dismissed as the girls’ track and cross-country coach at M-S.
She wasn’t hesitant about coming forward and contacted the Mahomet Daily about telling her experience.
“I didn’t feel the fight was over,” Turner said. “I knew there were a lot of stories to share, although some might not want to share what happened.”
Turner is convinced that the majority of her teammates were aware of the situation.
“Some people had a better experience, and even a good experience, but I know they know what was going on,” Turner said. “They might not have been targeted by her, but most girls, at least three-fourths of them, were aware of what was going on.”
Turner explained why she didn’t come forward during her years as a Bulldog student-athlete.
“I didn’t feel my reasons for leaving were big enough,” she said, “and later, I thought it was too late.
“I do wish I’d done more.”
Turner said she is still suffering.
‘Still hear her voice’
“It’s not only bad during the season, but after you graduate, the effects have lasted,” Turner said. “I can still hear her voice in my head.
“I’ve had self-image problems and I’m concerned with my weight now. I worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with how us girls look, but she wants us to think things that are not true.”
Though Turner said she still enjoyed running — and has participated in 5-kilometer races since graduating — she left the M-S programs midway through her junior year.
Talking to Moxley about the decision was traumatic, she said.
They had a face-to-face meeting in November, 2014, following the fall cross-country season of Turner’s junior year.
“I like to write everything out and get it on a piece of paper,” Turner said. “I was flustered and she made me nervous all the time. I was shaking.
“She said to put the paper down and ‘I want you to talk to me. Don’t read what’s on the paper.’ I began to cry because I realized I no longer had control over the sport I loved.”
What Turner wound up saying to the coach was not what she had originally intended to say.
“I was too scared to tell her she created the awful atmosphere,” Turner said. “I said I’d lost my passion and knew in my heart it was best to step aside.”
Instead of getting what she hoped would be an understanding response, Turner said Moxley’s attitude was the opposite.
“She screamed at me, telling me I shouldn’t leave and she told me if I quit, I’d never amount to anything,” Turner said. “That is still very hurtful, and I plan to chase my dreams, like anyone else would.”
‘I was a quitter to her’
Meyer said one of her biggest mistakes was returning to cross-country as a senior after not having participated in track during the spring of her junior year.
“Bonnie was only a mentor and a friend to her favorites, those who were state fast,” Meyer said.
“I quit track my junior year to focus on my health. This led to Bonnie hating me even more. I was a quitter because I wanted to get help for my depression. The help ended up saving my life.
“My senior year, I went back to cross-country because of my love for it. Bonnie was the worst then. I was a quitter to her and I was worth less than dirt to her. I was taken out of any perks of being a senior, I couldn’t be a team leader. I was only a quitter. The whole season I felt that Bonnie would have been happier if I wasn’t in her life at all.”
The postseason cross-country banquet, following Meyer’s senior season, she said, was “my least favorite part.”
Meyer explained: “She (Moxley) would pretend us average runners meant anything to her just for the parents. One hug at the end of four years can’t take away the days and days of bullying and scaring us into unhealthy ways of life.”
Ross said she wishes she had another option at the time than to quit track.
“I’d been running since sixth grade and wish I could have kept running,” she said.
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Over the past two days, former M-S runners have shared a myriad of stories and incidents — dealing with verbal abuse, mental anguish and favoritism, as well as squad members developing eating disorders and depression that some of them believe can be traced to Moxley — and their views help provide a look at a multitude of issues that marked the veteran coach’s tenure.
What was said, what was meant and what was interpreted can — and will be — points of contention. Those recurring problems were in existence — for whatever reason — cannot be denied.
The final result was a forced ending to a coaching career for a person whose accomplishments and achievements earned Moxley a berth in the state Hall of Fame in 2017.
