By FRED KRONER
Amanda Warner Spafford and her husband, Adam, knew in advance that January, 17, 2022, would be a special day.
What they didn’t realize was the magnitude of the day.
It was a Monday and the date to celebrate the Dr. Martin Luther King holiday.
Adam had the day off from his job at Heartland Bank.
Amanda decided to take the day off from her job as a data analyst for State Farm’s marketing department in order to “spend the day with him,” she said.
“We went to his sister (Leslie Schaffer’s) house (in Bloomington) to watch our twin nephews (Corban and Bentley) and niece (Bella) while (Leslie) got her hair done since her husband was working and she’s a stay-at-home mother,” Amanda said. “We had the best time watching them and playing with them.
“I even took a Snapchat video of them with the caption ‘being an aunt is the best job.’”
Her comment would prove to be a bit serendipitous.
There was nothing extraordinary after the Spaffords left the Schaffer residence about 1 o’clock.
“We ran some errands and went home,” said Amanda, a 2005 Mahomet-Seymour High School graduate.
Around 3 p.m., the couple received a life-changing phone call.
They had become parents.
***
For five years, the Spaffords had tried to have children.
Their efforts included several rounds of IVF (in vitro fertilization) during that time.
“We, for mostly unknown reasons, have been unable to sustain a full-term pregnancy, which was incredibly emotional but also extremely frustrating,” Amanda said. “We always believed we would adopt, but thought it would be child two or three, so ultimately, we just ended up going to adoption sooner than anticipated.
“With something like infertility, it’s hard to know ‘when to stop.’ Every doctor we met with told us we would have success and had just had bad luck but last spring, we decided it was time to take a break on trying for a biological child and go to adoption.
“It was the BEST decision we made.”
On May 13, 2021, the couple met with an adoption agency to start the process. They left the meeting with an understanding of one important fact.
“We specifically were told it could be a wait of a week or three years,” Amanda said. “There’s just no knowing.”
Eight months and two days later, Scarlett Michelle Spafford was born.
It was a day that the Spaffords anticipated would arrive, even though there was no set timetable.
“We knew with adoption vs. IVF, it wasn’t ‘if,’ it was ‘when,’ but there’s never a way to know how long,” Amanda said. “A birth mother can look at a profile and make a decision off of anything they want, so there’s no timeline to try to follow.
“They can also request anything, such as to name the baby or what level of openness they want, which can impact the match. We had one birth mother we were presented to say she wouldn’t consider parents that had the COVID-19 vaccine.
“We had a few moms consider us, but they ultimately chose another family.”
The Spaffords found their patience tested during their months on the waiting list.
“The wait was somewhat trying but for us it was also a break,” Amanda said. “After five years of needles, constant appointments in Chicago and the emotional rollercoaster that IVF brought, we used our wait to relax and just enjoy each other and however much time we had before our lives changed.
“We planned for any scenario, including an out-of-state adoption, which is a very complex situation.”
The Spaffords had not put any restrictions on whom they would be willing to adopt.
“We were open to any race and either gender,” Amanda said, “and would have considered a baby born up to 3 months old, if it felt right.”
***
When Amanda’s cell phone rang mid-afternoon on Jan. 17, 2022, there was no reason to jump into a celebratory mode even when the caller ID revealed who it was.
“Our social worker from the adoption agency we did our home inspections and background checks with, called for what we assumed was a check-in and to tell us we needed to renew some documents,” Amanda said.
Moments later, she learned the call was more than a cursory one.
“She proceeded to tell us a baby was born a day-and-a-half earlier and before the birthmother mom was discharged, she contacted the adoption agency and said she chose us as the adoptive parents,” Amanda said. “Adam and I were staring at each other in a state of panic.
“I had her on speaker phone so we couldn’t talk to each other or anything. I started giving air ‘thumbs-up’ and ‘thumbs-down’ motions and I remember him looking so dazed. I don’t think either of us heard anything our social worker said for a solid 60 seconds.”
As Amanda regained her composure, she remembered saying, ‘I think we’re both freaking out a little bit right now,’ to which she responded, ‘if you weren’t freaking out, I would think there was something wrong.’
“I think that statement brought us both down to Earth and we of course became SO excited and overjoyed we got the necessary details and basically hung up on our poor social worker to celebrate and call our families.”
Fortunately, the Spaffords were not totally unprepared for the unexpected phone call.
“Luckily, we had a lot of baby stuff because friends and family threw us a baby shower in October to celebrate being active in the adoptive community,” Amanda said. “We had almost everything we needed and just had it waiting in a spare closet until we needed it.
“Adam started ripping through boxes of baby gear we got from the shower months earlier and we Youtubed how to install car seats and set up two bassinets.”
By 7 p.m., they had driven to Peoria to meet their newborn.
“Originally, we thought we were going to bring her home that night, but unfortunately the notary and hospital representative had gone home for the day, so we spent alone time with her in a private room for a few hours then went back to Bloomington to try to prepare our house for her to come home the next day,” Amanda said.
First, they made a late-night stop at an unfamiliar store.
“We stopped at Walmart, and not being big Walmart shoppers, we assumed they were all 24 hours,” Amanda said. “As we walked into the store, we heard the ‘5 minutes until close’ announcement, so we started sprinting around the store getting all the necessary baby things like detergent, formula, and an outfit for her to come home in, since the only clothes she had was a donated outfit.
“We got home, did some laundry and just sat around letting ourselves be stunned for a while instead of scurrying and stressing.”
The next day, they returned to the hospital and came home with their daughter “after signing a ton of paperwork,” Amanda said.
The Spaffords were not the only people surprised at the announcement.
“The agency had presented our profile to her (the birthmother) in November, but she stopped returning their calls, so they assumed she had decided to parent,” Amanda said. “We aren’t sure what happened between November when she went silent and January 15th , when our daughter was born, but we are so glad it led to her choosing us.”
Until they got the phone call, they knew nothing about Scarlett or her birthmother. The couple was close to expanding their search.
“The day we got the call about Scarlett, we were days away from being presented to a birth mother in Florida,” Amanda said, “so luckily, we got ahold of them quickly.”
***
There are different ways for an adopted child to be named.
Sometimes, the birthmother will select the name.
“Scarlett’s birthmother left the hospital without naming her, so when we arrived, she was listed as ‘baby girl,’” Amanda said. “Having found out about her only hours before, we were in shock and couldn’t commit to a name, but we always knew if we adopted a girl, she’d have my middle name, so we changed her name to Michelle on the dry-erase board for the night.
“On our way home, we reviewed the list of names we’d crafted over the last five years of trying and narrowed it down to three. The next day on our way back to Peoria, it took the whole drive, but we agreed on Scarlett.”
Even though Scarlett Michelle Spafford was able to return home with Amanda and Adam, she wasn’t yet officially their child.
That status changed on April 29, 2022, when the adoption was finalized via a court hearing.
Even today, the Spaffords remain cautious talking about the birth mother.
“We have some information about the birthmother such as photos, where she lives and medical history,” Amanda said, “but we don’t know anything about the birthfather.
“As of right now, birthmother wants a closed adoption, but is open to Scarlett reaching out to her when she’s older. We have chosen not to share much information about birthmother so we can navigate different discussions with Scarlett based on when we think she’s ready, but would also love if they could have a productive relationship in the future.”
Amanda and Adam are thankful for the decision made by the birthmother.
“We couldn’t be more grateful towards her birthmother and that is something about adoption I think is often overshadowed,” Amanda said. “I have started being more cautious about telling people in passing that she’s adopted because I had a few interactions that left a bad taste in my mouth.
“It’s understandable for people to have opinions about adoption, but unfortunately a lot of what I hear is judgment towards Scarlett’s birthmother. We wish that mindset would change and people could see birthmothers how we do, as strong, thoughtful women.
“Of course, there are bad apples in any situation, but what Scarlett’s birthmother did for her was a beautiful and selfless act that was in Scarlett’s best interest, and not to mention gave us a gift that science couldn’t, the gift of being parents. I am elated to help guide people through adoption and I always say there are ‘no dumb questions’ because most people have no reason to understand adoption, but to me, there’s a difference between questions and judgment.”
***
The transition at the Spafford residence has gone smoothly, and not just with Mom and Dad.
“We have two dogs that have been so great with Scarlett,” Amanda said. “Meeko is our 13-year-old little grandpa who acts 4. He doesn’t pay her much attention since she can’t throw his ball yet, but occasionally we’ll catch him lay by her or do something cute.
“Penny is our rescue and is SO excited to have a baby in the house, as well as the new massaging recliner that came with her. We’ve had Penny seven years, but don’t know how old she is or where she came from, but we always knew she’d be a great dog for kids.”
Meeko is a black dachshund and Penny is a black dachshund/pit bull mix.
Mom and Dad had done things to be in position to move forward as parents on short notice.
“We have adjusted so well,” Amanda said. “I think after waiting so long for something we were trying so hard at, prepared us a long time ago.
“We’ve made it a point to travel and mark things off our Bucket List while we were waiting to become parents that we were just ready for this different lifestyle. Our ability to go on walks in 13-degree weather went away and of course the option to sleep in, but we appreciate our new lifestyle so much more than we valued those things.”
Little Scarlett has also adjusted quickly to her new surroundings.
“Scarlett is already sitting up and recognizing her favorite things, like her bottle, which is amazing to see, but also bittersweet,” Amanda said. “She is a sleep champion, she’s been sleeping through the night since 4 weeks.
“Sometimes she’ll wake up early because she knows we’ll let her cuddle in our bed for a while, but those are welcome sleepless mornings in our home. Scarlett has been such an easy baby and probably because of our age, we have a lot of patience, so the adjustments were really few and far between.
“Adam and I balance being involved while letting one another tap out for some alone time occasionally. We also have a lot of support from family and friends which makes our jobs as parents easier. We definitely feel like time is going by too fast.”
Amanda was able to immediately take four months leave from her job, and only recently returned to work.
“Work was a tough adjustment, but we both have amazing employers,” Amanda said. “Our bosses found out we became parents after we did and while we all knew having no notice before being out of the office was a possibility, no one actually expected it.
“They were so accommodating and didn’t question either of us being out at the drop of a hat like that. I went back for one day (after bringing Scarlett home) to transition my responsibilities that I had prepped a colleague on, and was able to take four months off to bond with Scarlett.
“To say we appreciate our employers is an understatement. They have been so supportive.”
***
Before Amanda Warner Spafford ever thought about naming a child, she was making a name for herself.
As a teen-ager in Mahomet, she was a school record-setting track runner while in junior high school and as a member of two medal-winning state relays while in high school.
One of her junior high marks – in the eighth-grade 400 meters – stood for 21 years, until Madalyn Marx lowered it three times this spring.
When Spafford set the standard in 2001, she broke a 17-year-old record established in 1984 by Wendy Welter.
“Maddy breaking my record tells me we are both ‘once in a generation’ runners,” Spafford said. “I remember not being able to break the seventh-grade (400-meter) record (which is still held by Welter) so when I was in eighth-grade, I was on a mission to break that one.”
Spafford remembered one of the byproducts of a record-shattering run, and passed it forward.
“When I was in high school, I broke a record previously held by Bonnie (Byers) Moxley, who was my coach at the time,” Spafford said. “That record was over 25 years old and she wrote me a thoughtful note when it happened, telling me what an accomplishment it was.
“I found out through social media that Maddy’s parents are friends of a friend of mine, so I sent Maddy a letter letting her know how proud I was of her and that she should stay humble, but also be incredibly satisfied and confident in herself. I hope someday if and when someone breaks her record, she will keep the tradition going.
“I mentioned to her now that we have a daughter, I am trying to get Adam on board with moving back to Mahomet because I absolutely loved growing up there, and maybe Scarlett will be the one to break Maddy’s record.”
At one time, Spafford’s name (Warner) was a prominent entry in the M-S track record books.
“I left the junior high with nine records, and it is inevitable that they will all be broken at some point, but this one felt different,” Spafford said. “I’m friends with several teachers at the junior high, so once in a while someone will tell me how many I still hold, and over the years that number has gotten smaller and smaller, but I was never notified when one was broken.
“I was told that Maddy Marx might break my record by four different people within the weeks before she broke it, so I have to say, I was excited and followed Mahomet track a little more closely, anticipating the exciting news. I’ve heard so many positive things about Ms. Marx and it sounds like she is a hard worker, a great teammate and everything I would want in someone taking my name off the eighth-grade board.
“I still have some records at the junior high and high school, so I still feel represented, but I’m sure when they’re all gone, I’ll be a little sad.”
The tenacity and determination that Spafford demonstrated as a runner are traits that are still prevalent.
“I am so proud of Amanda and really enjoy hearing about her track accomplishments when it comes up,” said Adam Spafford, who grew up in Fairbury. “She always goes after what she wants and won’t give up until she’s achieved her goal.
“I see the same drive in her as an adult with how invested she is in her job, and now as a mother. She goes over and above. Amanda is really an incredible person, which I think shows by how many people love her and I am so proud of her past and current achievements.”
Track was a passion that Amanda Spafford enjoyed as a youth.
“Running was something I loved to do growing up,” she said. “Being a very competitive person, it helped me build confidence and learn how to engage in different situations.
“I credit so much of my success to my coach, Bonnie Moxley, who not only taught me how to be a great athlete, but she also knew when I needed ‘tough love’ and when I needed comforted. Coach (Lisa) Klingler (now Martin) was also instrumental as a great combination of someone close to my age to talk to since she was fresh out of college when she started, and keeping the boundaries as a teacher and coach.”
Like many sprinters, Spafford held a love-hate relationship with the 400 meters.
“Everyone is a 400 runner,” she said, recalling a message she heard repeatedly. “That is a phrase ingrained in my brain because it was what our coach trained us as. While a 400 is basically an all-out sprint for an entire lap and is brutal, once you can run a 400, you can run anything.
“My senior year at the Jackie Joyner-Kersee Invitational, one of our 4×800 runners was going to be out, so I asked Bonnie if I could drop another event and run it. She let me and said it was the first time in her career she had a runner in the 100, 200, 400 and 800.
“I wasn’t the best and I wasn’t the worst, but I never would’ve been able to do that without being trained the way I was. In reality, if we’re talking about what race most of the medals in boxes in my basement are from, that’d be the 200 meters, and it was great, but the 400 gives you just enough time during the race to be terrified, excited and have the ability to change your stride to make a big impact.”
Spafford, who attended M-S schools from third grade through her senior year, has undertaken other endeavors in her 30s, but might resume running.
“I run occasionally and have been thinking about getting back into 5K’s and maybe a half-marathon,” she said, “but my husband and I do more activities like a sand volleyball league and rounds of badminton in our back yard than anything.
“Now that it’s nice out, I will be putting some miles on Scarlett’s jogging stroller as well.”
And that is how life on the run begins for a young one.
***
For families interested in adopting, Spafford provided a general primer on the process.
1. Meet with adoption agency to find the right fit. The agency interviews adoptive parents to ensure they are a good adoptive family option; the agency is the conduit between birth mothers they work with and adoptive parents through placement and finalization;
2. Adoptive parents submit multiple background checks (including fingerprints, references, work history, tax and bank statements);
3. A social worker from the agency conducts home inspections and sessions with the adoptive parents to confirm they are a good fit for adoption; then adoptive parents complete 60 hours of required coursework on adoption and parenting;
4. Adoptive parents create a profile/book with pictures and information about them and their family. This is given to the adoption agency for them to present adoptive families to birth mothers working with that agency to choose who will parent her child;
5. The agency typically gives a birth mother five profiles to choose from and the potential parents may or may not know when their profile is being shown;
“During this time, adoptive parents are pretty much just waiting,” Spafford said. “Some agencies will reach out to adoptive parents with basic info on a birth mother they started working with and the adoptive parents can say they want more details and to potentially be presented. Some agencies ask adoptive parents what they want in an adoption (race, geography, level of openness with birth parents) and when a birth mom meets that criteria, proactively presents her with adoptive parent profiles. But ultimately, adoptive parents have no control over anything during the ‘waiting to be matched’ phase. They’re just waiting for emails with a birth mother’s situation or to get a call that they’ve been matched;
6. Family accepts the ‘situation’ making it a match – a situation is adoption world’s way of referencing a pregnant woman and her circumstances;
7. Adoptive parents engage with lawyers for legal prep and wait for baby to be born;
8. Baby is born and placed with adoptive parents – placed means the baby goes home with the adoptive parents, but they are really considered foster parents until finalization. Some adoptive parents may meet birth parents and some will never meet each other;
9. Birth parents have to wait 72 hours in Illinois to sign over their parental rights to make sure they aren’t making a rash decision;
10. Baby is considered ‘placed’ with adoptive parents until finalization happens. During this time, the adoption agency is the legal guardian;
11. Several home visits and check-ins occur with agency and parents;
12. Finalization occurs where the court system agrees it’s in the best interest of the baby for the adoptive parents to be legal guardians. There is typically a six-month wait between a baby being placed and the adoption being finalized.
“We got lucky and were allowed to do it in three months,” Spafford said;
13. Happily ever after starts!
