By Ben Chapman
During the holidays, trepidation mounts over the approaching threat of political discussions with family and friends. And rightly so. It’s no secret that the political rhetoric of today is rife with division, and we justifiably hope to keep that divisiveness out of our precious family time. Our fear of division has led some of us to consider political discussion taboo — even with those closest to us. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
While I was running for County Board, I accepted the privilege and challenge of having serious political conversations with complete strangers. I wasn’t trained in politics or campaigning, so I had to learn many things very quickly about how to talk to people who disagree with me.
In the hope that you can learn what I have without suffering through the paperwork and fundraising, I’m taking the time to share what I learned. Here’s how to keep your political discussions rational, productive, and even friendly.
Stay calm. Without delving into pop-psychology and sociology, the simple fact is, if you remain calm and composed, the person you are speaking with will likely remain calm and composed. This is partly because most people don’t want to appear irate in the face of a poised, collected conversational partner. Stay calm, and chances are, others will as well.
Admit when you don’t know something. You don’t have to be an expert on an issue to have an opinion on it — as long as you’re willing to admit this and change your mind when presented with new evidence. Everyone has a limit to their knowledge. In fact, most (not all) elected officials won’t hesitate to concede that there are limits to what information they can confidently recite off the top of their head.
The other side to acknowledging your limits is being confident in what you do know. Only make assertions that you know have a firm basis in fact. When you are confident in the veracity of your statements, your tone will be calmer, you will be more composed, and your demeanor will be both more convincing and placating.
Ask questions and take the time to listen. Everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged. Frustration and anger crescendo when people feel that they have been misunderstood or are being ignored, so do your best to understand and listen. By doing this, you will also allow the conversation to be less adversarial and more exploratory, meaning not only will it be friendlier, but you may even learn something along the way.
Avoid discussing controversial issues in big groups. Groups are harder to control, and a friendly conversation can spin into disarray exponentially faster than a one-on-one conversation. This is partly because informal group discussions inevitably give way to the loudest and most attention-grabbing voices, which are not necessarily the most well-reasoned. Additionally, for those who house their ego right next to their opinions, a group discussion may offer license to “perform” and add unnecessary drama to their argument, adding to the risk of causing personal offense to a member of the group. Always do what you can to avoid settings that are difficult to predict and incentivize theatrics.
Practice. Don’t run away from difficult conversations. As you practice, you’ll gain confidence that will help you keep your cool while discussing difficult issues. I got my practice by volunteering for campaigns, but that’s not the only way. Start by talking to a friend, a mentor, or someone from your church or school. Next, practice by calling your representatives’ offices and telling them about your opinions. If you call their office’s phone number, you’ll get in contact with an intern who won’t argue with you, but will simply take down your opinion and thank you for your time. Don’t worry about embarrassing yourself, they get plenty of calls each day. Once you get some experience making an argument, visit a local government meeting and give a short testimony on an issue you care about. Pretty soon, you’ll feel as comfortable talking about politics as you are about the weather.
So there you have it: a straightforward list of ways to talk about politics without causing discord. Treat political discussions like an adventure, always remembering that most people you meet want a better future for our country — they may simply have a different plan for accomplishing that.
Now let’s go out and talk politics. We have a First Amendment. We may as well use it.
