“Bubble Gum, Bubble Gum in a Dish” is still a thing…and other thoughts from a kindergarten mom

They know more about iPads than most adults

They complain about not getting enough time for lunch but

Here’s a little note to that Kindergarten mom that shared her first day feelings…

Let’s just call a spade a spade here. You’re jealous of her teacher. You desire to be with your kid and you’re salty she gets to. You know homeschooling is right for some families, but you know it is not right for your kid. I know you keep telling your husband “…but if someone is going to screw her up I want it to be us…” and I hear that but you will have plenty of time to screw her up in the evenings/weekends/holidays. Oh and also, she’s probably going to be sick every other day because kids are disgusting. You can read her books and watch movies and screw her up those days.

Also, when you’re done being blinded with rage from the car pick up line I can tell you some stuff you don’t know yet. What you don’t know now is that she is going to make the sweetest little friends. You’re going to fall in love with them just like you did her preschool friends. They will have parents that will email you and thank you for raising a kind daughter that helped their kid with a problem. You will have lunch dates with those parents and they will facebook message you to remind you that “tomorrow is pajama day, don’t forget unless you want your kid to hate you”.

You also don’t know that she will need you more in the evenings because you are apart more. She will become more responsible and respectful. Pretty soon, she might even be sounding out words and writing stories.

Remember that day during the first week of school when you walked into her bedroom while she was at school to put something away and it was clean? Then you sat down and bawled because you didn’t trip over any toys. Remember that day? That was pathetic. I’m judging you for that now.

To the parents of the Class of 2029, we’re doing this. We’re really doing this. Also, our kids still mostly cute. High five! Chest bump! Cheers!