When you were born, our time together seemed endless.
Sure, I knew in 20 years you would go out on your own, and that it was my job to prepare you for that. But I was just 21 myself. And so it seemed like forever.
We did not spend much time apart. I fell asleep with your head resting on my shoulder. And woke up with your small hand near my face. We waited for you to roll over, sit up, crawl and even cheered you on when you began to walk.
There were mornings that seemed to pass by too quickly. And afternoons that seemed to go on forever. And the one constant has been that you’ve always been by my side.
And now 14 years have passed. And with every waking moment, I can tell that our time together, in this capacity, is quickly slipping away.
To you, 14 years has seemed like forever. You could not wait to be dismissed from the restrictive walls of junior high, and now you anxiously await all the promises I’ve made to you about high school.
The thing is, the next four years will appear even longer to you. The four years you spend in high school will be as slow as molasses and as exciting as smelling lilacs for the first time. You will want to pull your hair out because Shakespeare truly is not applicable in everyday life, and you will want to sip up every second of freedom because relationships are what is applicable in life.
I worry about you constantly. I know how hard and exciting this time will be. And I know that when you’re 35 years old, the time you spent in high school will not be a time you want to return to, but it will be a time that you will hold onto forever.
And because you’ll never get this time back (you only get one shot), I’d like to offer you some advice:
Don’t do drugs. I know you’re rolling your eyes right now because I tell you this almost every day, but I have seen so many people’s lives screwed up by drugs. Sure, you get a buzz for a bit. Maybe you forget about your worries for a little while. But I have seen more lives become screwed up and even taken by drugs, and many of those people started in high school. If you listen to nothing else in this piece, remember this: Don’t do drugs.
Be yourself. Most adults spent their entire lives trying to be what their parents wanted them to be or really strived to fit in to be like everyone else. The sad thing is that many adults spend their lives sprinting after other’s approval instead of living life as they were created to be.
So many people want to tell us what the rules are, pass judgement on how we live, they want to tell us who to be. And there will be so many opportunities for you to follow the crowd. It will be easier for you to follow the crowd.But in the long run, if you follow your heart and your passions (as long as they do not include drugs), you’re going to be content.
Let others live their life. In the same way you ask for acceptance, give acceptance.
Make time for your friends. I can already tell that you are going to be busier than you have ever been. This is the point in your life where you make a shift from having time to hang out with family and friends to running around with more important things to do. But there will be a point in your life where you realize that those more important things to do are often empty, and so make sure you have a balance. Make sure you make time for your friends. Now and as an adult.
Pay attention in class. It’s easy to go through high school, roaming class to class, listening to lecture after lecture. Honestly, I checked out most of my academic career, and still passed. So, it can be done. But there will come a point when you’re interested in history or excited about seeing the earth’s layers-and you’ll think to yourself “Gee, I wish I would have paid attention to those assignments.” Just do it now. You’re building a foundation for the future.
Take advantage of opportunities. Whether you go to college or not, the next four years will be the only time in your life where you will have almost an unlimited amount of resources available to you. Whether it’s teachers or books or technology or clubs or teams or even money, this is the only time in your life where it’s all free to you. You have no idea how blessed you are to live in the United States of America. Really, I also have no idea how blessed we are, but I do know this: with all of our academic “troubles” we have the best educational system in the world. And in Mahomet-Seymour we have been blessed beyond measure. So participate in things you are interested in. All of them. Ask questions. Research. Be involved. You will never have most of these opportunities again. So, participate.
Set some goals. In what ways can you leverage your talents and these resources to get the most out of your high school experience? You’ll be thinking about how you can use your talents and resources for the rest of your life. Might as well practice it now.
Stand up for yourself. One of the reasons I’m so proud of you and many of your friends is because you know how to stand up for yourself. Each of you has convictions and beliefs and you are not easily swayed away from them. Please. No matter what hold onto that. It will take you far in the future.
Let go of grudges. Let’s face it, you’re going to get hurt. Anytime you step into a relationship and open up your heart, there will be times when you get hurt. And there will be times when you hurt someone else.
You could live with your heart closed up, trying to “protect” yourself, but really all you’re doing at that point is sabotaging your life. I know. I’ve been there.
The alternative is to live with your heart wide open, accepting love and hurt all at the same time. This is a little riskier, but well worth it. If you can learn to live with an open heart as a teenager, your adult life will be filled with joy.
And to live with an open heart, you have to be able to quickly forgive, move on and not hold a grudge. Drugs will screw you up. But holding onto anger, bitterness and jealousy will lead you onto a path of darkness. I have seen many lives ruined and even taken by grudges. And you were not made for that.
Take time to rest. I know I’m telling you to trudge forward into life, but once you graduate from high school, your downtime will decrease dramatically. So, veg out, lay down, rest. You can even still snuggle with me, if you’d like to.
Listen to people. I didn’t learn this until I was in my late 20’s, but the most important thing you can give another person is your ear. People want two things, I think: 1) they want to have a voice and 2) they want to know that they belong. Listening to someone does not require much of you. If you can listen to someone without taking on their happiness or hurt, then you can do anyone a great service.
Don’t waste your time and energy on worry. There will be many things for you to worry about in high school and throughout your adult life. But worry is a choice.
When I was a senior in high school this song, which was adapted from a graduation speech, was popular. In “Don’t Forget to Wear Sunscreen” the speaker says not to worry because the things we should worry about are the ones that blindside us on some idle Tuesday. This is true.
You have seen that many of the things you worry about now don’t even come to fruition. And you have also seen that some of the things you’ve worried about weren’t worth being worried over.
My best advice for you comes from Paul in Philippians 4:6-8.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
You are capable of far more than you can imagine. You know I love this story, so I’m going to tell it again.
One of my favorite interviews is when I talked to my friend, Penny about her life. She talked to me about running a marathon. She said you’d think the best moment is when you cross the finish line at 26.2 miles, but really it was the process of realizing her body could go farther and farther each week she trained. She looks back on that experience and is still in awe that her body could do that.
Then I met a guy named Chris. In case you’ve forgotten, Chris is an ultra marathoner, and will run about 150 miles in 24 hours. I’m just going to be honest here and that’s not even something I’ve ever dreamed of doing, and I am still amazed that people’s bodies can do that. And at the time, I thought that was the ultimate feat.
Then I met that guy from Algeria who was resting at the campsite. He had a van with 3100 miles on it, and when I asked him what he was doing he said he was running across the United States: 60 miles every day for 40 days. He had another 20 days to New York City. It was his dream to run across the United States.
He had a team with him. But then I read about another woman who did this on her own. Without a team. She ran 40 miles a day. She slept in hotel rooms or houses her parents set up for her.
The thing is, I’m not a runner. You’re less of a runner than I am. But running is just the example. These people have had a vision, set a goal and worked day after day in accomplishing their goal, not thinking about their limits. Live life like this. Don’t know your limits. Just see your dreams.
You’ve got this body. You’ve got a brain. You’ve got hands and feet and a voice and ears and skin and this incredible machine that is built to work for you. Use it to its full capabilities. Don’t look at your bodies limitations, instead discover its promises as you reach a little bit further every day.
Know that I am always here for you. Whether you do drugs or have sex or sneak out or wreck the car or lie or fail a class, there is nothing that we cannot get through together. Sometimes when we make mistakes we feel like it’s the end of the world because so much pressure is put on everyone to be so perfect. You will make mistakes. I expect it. And honestly, I believe we are meant to make mistakes. I’ve made so many mistakes. And I continue to make them even today. But I also continue to grow and change and sort out who I am and what I want. And that’s what mistakes help us to do. Sort. I’m not saying be wreckless. But I am saying be you.
