10 Question Friday: Father’s Day Edition

By Zainab Susi

A Tribute to Wonderful Fathers! 

I am blessed to know many great Fathers. For this year’s Father’s Day I asked some of them to answer questions about their experience with fatherhood. All these fathers are doing a great job by teaching their kids what they have learned from their own lives and their own fathers. Fathers come from different backgrounds, ages, and places but one thing these fathers all have in common is that they love their child(ren) and want the best for them.  

Paul Byron    

1. How old were you when you first became a father? I was 32 years old when I became a father.

2. Did you always want to be a parent? I was content being single and selfish in my twenties, but I knew I’d be a parent someday.

3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? My dad was a cranky, but caring man. I may been given some of those traits. My dad figured out that I was most pleasant when I was groggy in the morning. So he’d make me about 4000 calories of breakfast, wake me up, and chat with me before my teenage personality showed up each day.  Good memories.

4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? My dad was gone a lot when I was a child due to his work.  When I was a teenager he was around a lot more and he was very encouraging with my sports.  I was always appreciative of that, even though I didn’t always let him know.  I have fashioned my schedule so I could do just that.  I give my kids every tool that they need to succeed in whatever they choose to do. Instead of just sports, I push them to have urgency in academics, financial education, nutrition, and yes, athletics.  I am involved.  

5. Do you see your own father in you especially when you are disciplining your child/children? I am a lot like my dad in temperament and I hear him when I talk to my kids.  I am different in that I am very flexible and I try to understand why one of the kids made a foolish choice. I’d rather try to keep my kids from repeating the same mistakes by reasoning with them over punishing them. I hope it works.  So far, so good.  

6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood?  Be reasonable.  Understand that a 2 year old will act like a 2 year old.  A 15 year old will act like a 15 year old. I remember how I was as a 15 year old.  

7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? My kids call me “Dad”. It was tough transitioning out of “Daddy”, but I got over it.

8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself? I don’t have much time for myself.  There isn’t much balance here.  I enjoy being a dad.  Right now, I am focused on my kids and fostering a sense of responsibility so that they have momentum going into adulthood. I tend to do things with my kids.  If they have a hobby, chances are that I will also have that hobby for a while.

9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? A toddler will react to their parent’s reaction. If a child has a minor accident, they will look to their parent to see if they should laugh or cry. If you freak out, they will too. I remember my daughter falling 6 feet off of a slide and landing on her neck.  It looked awful.  I said, “Wow!  Good one!!” and she hopped up and climbed back up the slide. My advice is to have fun.  Be well rounded.  Take your kids everywhere and show them everything.  They will appreciate it and be better for it. 

10. When was the last time you cooked/did  something special just for yourself?  Haha.  What?  I try to sprinkle in some me time here and there, but I can’t remember just focusing on myself.  That’s ok for now.  

Darin O’Connell 

1. How old were you when you first became a father? I was 24 years old
   
2. Did you always want to be a parent? I always knew I wanted a family
   
3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? Some of my best memories come from having my dad coach my brother and me in various sports.  I also really treasure my senior year of basketball and always having my dad to look at during a game to get extra reassurance and support.
   
4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? My parents always instilled in me and my siblings the importance of treating others with kindness and compassion.  That is something my wife and I really try to instill in our children as well.  I don’t know if I have necessarily changed anything major in my parenting style compared to how I was raised but they may say differently if you asked them 🙂
   
5. Do you see your own father in you especially when you are disciplining your child/children? My dad and I are a lot alike but we do have some differences in our styles but I think that is normal as times have changed since I was a little kid.
   
6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood?  Unfortunately as an educator I have experienced some tragic events and each one has really taught me to slow down and enjoy every single moment I have with my children.  I really try to enjoy the day to day interactions with my children and not get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life.
   
7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? My children call me dad but all three of my children have a different way of saying it and it still brings a smile to my face.
   
8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself? We are fortunate that my parents live a block behind me and my mother in law lives in Champaign so my wife and I are able to get some time to ourselves and we try to make sure we do take time to be together and to pursue independent interests.
   
9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? Live in the moment and when your kids ask you to do something with them always say yes because you don’t know how many of those moments you will get.
   
10. When was the last time you cooked/did something special just for yourself?  I have had a few afternoons to hang out with friends and enjoy kid free time this summer!

Matt Davidson

1. How old were you when you first became a father? 26 years old.
   
2. Did you always want to be a parent? Yes.
   
3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? A really funny memory was when my dad, brother and I picked up a hitchhiker in Terre Haute, IN. We had either an El Camino or Ford Ranchero and the hitchhiker got in the bed of the truck. My dad gave him such a thrilling ride that the hitchhiker could not wait to step on solid ground when we got to Marshall, IL. My other memory was of our neighbor and friend until I was six years old, Dick Wallace. He was extremely important in my life and each of my seven siblings. He would eventually have two kids of his own. Dick told our parents if anything ever happened to them, he would raise all seven of us.
   
4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? I think we helped teach them a strong work ethic for sure. My dad was personable and could talk to anyone while our mom was a real dedicated worker and taught us a strong work ethic.
   
5. What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? Despite having many long days at work, I did my absolute best to attend almost all of my kids events. 
    
6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood? We were fortunate in that our kids were pretty easy to raise. Get your kids involved in some activity in and out of school. Uninvolved kids are often times troubled kids. It goes fast so enjoy every ballgame, practice, school play, madrigal performance, parent-teacher conference & college visit.
7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? Dad. Very good.
   
8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself? That is one of the most difficult challenges as a parent. Between working many long hours and going to their events, etc. it is easy to not exercise regularly and kind of let yourself go. It is essential to set aside time for walking or any kind of exercise.
   
9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? You will have many long days and short nights ahead of you. Always remember there are many that would like to be in your shoes because they could not have kids or in some cases lost theirs due to sickness, etc.
10. When was the last time you cooked/did something special just for yourself? Enjoyed a couple of rounds of golf recently where I grew up. Really enjoy playing and getting outside very much.

Andrew Krugh 

1. How old were you when you first became a father? 33 (and again at 38). My daughters are now 13 and 8.
   
2. Did you always want to be a parent? For my adult life, I did want to but didn’t overthink it or get crazy with trying to plan timing
   
3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? Growing up in rural PA, there were lots of seasonal activities that were so much fun as a kid and mean the world to me now and have a lot to do with prioritizing time with my own 2 daughters. Winter included hunting, cutting and storing fire wood for heat and lots of fun with snow and ice; spring was fishing, planting on my grandfather’s farm (next door to us); summer was farm work, mowing lawns, and anything having to do with water and splashing, vacations to the beach in New Jersey; fall was hunting, lots of time in the woods – best time of year to be outside.
   
4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? I would say more or less, yes. Times change and our girls are growing up in more of a suburban setting. They hear lots of stories about how Daddy could leave home as a kid and roam the woods alone for hours at a time with no way to contact anyone and how Mommy could roam Chicago the same way and there was the expectation that we would be safe. Now, unfortunately, we don’t have the same assurance, so there is more of a need to keep tabs on what’s going on. Our focus is on doing our best to help them learn to live with integrity and compassion for others and to be fearless in being themselves.
   
5. Do you see your own father in you especially when you are disciplining your child/children?  Sure, I see the patient and nurturing side of being a dad. I also see when I need to back off and let them try and make mistakes or make a mess so they can best learn for themselves. My father was excellent with household chores that may not have been as common a generation ago, so I’ve had a good example for how to be a good father and husband that way.
   
6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood?  As a new father, the biggest question was “How will I know what the baby needs?” I quickly learned that if I pay attention, they will tell me in many, many ways what they need and want without saying a word, and that has been true for the past 13 years. I also quickly learned with two children, that what they need and want can be very different from each other – everything from discipline to how they like to be loved to whether fries or tater tots are better.
   
7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? Daddy – There isn’t a word that fits how it makes me feel.
   
8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself?  This is easier now that they are older and more independent. Takes some planning, but occasional dates with Halima are awesome when we can take the time. Half an hour or an hour at the end of the day after they’re in bed is usually good. Other projects around the house or hiking is more fun with the kiddos than alone, anyway, so I’m not lacking in the time for myself department.
   
9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? You’ll forget the lost sleep, so just keep moving. You’ll never have enough money, so make sure you use some for quality time. Spend some time every day just loving your kids – you’ll never regret it. Memories fade, so write important things down. If you’re playing Barbies, it’s a major party foul to go off script.
   
10. When was the last time you cooked/did  something special just for yourself? Last weekend – made some scrambled eggs but knew enough to add extra eggs since I figured I’d have to share. Even though my youngest was full, as soon as she saw them I heard, “Ooh, can I have some?” Hikes in the woods are the best, also, for time to myself.

Jeff Buoy

1. How old were you when you first became a father? 31 years old.
   
2. Did you always want to be a parent? I always thought I would become a parent, but I  honestly had not really consciously thought that much about whether I had always wanted to be a parent – I guess it’s more of a situation where it just happened.  Now, I do recall very vividly that I was very grateful to become a parent as it really helped shift my focus away from only thinking of myself, and towards a great & wonderful feeling of responsibility and service to another – to my newborn son!
   
3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? Having really enjoyed playing many different sports in my youth, I think the best memories I had with my father centered around many of these sports activities that he also enjoyed – as we played basketball, tennis, golf, and baseball together. Many fond memories!  🙂
   
4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? In the most important way, I’ve tried to raise my son exactly the same (showing unconditional love).  Having said that, and given that times have changed quite a bit since my youth, I’ve found that I’ve tried to raise my son somewhat differently in certain practical situations (for better or worse) – with perhaps less discipline and more openness.  I think the biggest challenge I’ve found is in finding that balance between non-judgement towards my son while also trying to be a guiding influence in teaching him the wisdom of my experience.
   
5. Do you see your own father in you especially when you are disciplining your child/children? Not so much really. My father enjoyed boxing in his youth and was a very strong, tough, disciplined person and could be quite harsh at times.  I’ve found greater parenting joy, responsiveness, and wisdom in using what I call ‘positive discipline’ and respectful parenting.
   
6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood?  The importance of serving others by doing my best to stay balanced and centered myself – and always maintaining an ever-present sense of unconditional love towards both my child / family and towards my entire community.
   
7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? Dad. Makes me feel responsible and reminds me of my role as a parent.
   
8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself? I can only be successful as a father if I’m also making time for myself to be still, quiet, and reflect on things.  I’ve found that even just a few minutes to pray or meditate by myself in the morning and evening can have a big impact on my ability to stay grounded and centered as a parent.
   
9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? Always practice forgiveness – for yourself, your spouse, your children.  Mistakes happen, nobody is perfect.  We also practice love through forgiveness.  I also think these phrases help: “I’m not perfect. I am a loving, well-meaning, very caring, sometimes forgetful, often-busy parent.” And I always like to laugh at myself as much as possible – try not to take myself too seriously as a parent or in life in general.
   
10. When was the last time you cooked/did  something special just for yourself? This week!  Time for self is crucial and I think even more important in today’s often busy world.  The more the world seems to speed up, the more I try to slow down inside – and prioritize time for meditation and centering.  Absolutely critical these days! 

Pastor Doug Richards

1. How old were you when you first became a father? I had the amazing privilege of becoming a Father at the age of 23.
   
2. Did you always want to be a parent? I guess I never thought much about being a father or at least not as much as I thought about getting married.
   
3. What’s the best memory you have with your own father or with someone you really admired growing up? I have had the wonderful privilege of having a father who not only loves me, but one who also loves my mother as well. While I have had many great memories of spending time with my father, one of the greatest memories of my dad was when I was about 15 or 16 years old. It is a strange memory because it is one in which I actually did not spend any time with dad. While this event only took a few seconds, it was an event that occurred often in my lifetime and one that I cherish and will never forget!
   
4. Are you raising your child(ren) how you have been raised? What’s the biggest change you made in your parenting style? YES! I find myself saying and doing many of the same things that my parents taught me as a child. My parents would be the first to admit that they were not perfect parents. I’m sure if you asked them what they would do differently, they would have a long list. I think that every generation seeks to learn from the previous generation. I am sure my parents learned good and bad things from their parents and my wife and I could say the same thing. I have tried to take the good things that my parents have done and tried to improve upon them and the things that my parents needed to improve upon, I have tried to do better. It is my hope that my children will do the same. I’m not sure if there are any major changes in our parenting, I think it is more tweaking than anything. I find that as our culture changes, (increase in electronics, computers, etc.) that there is a need to make some changes in the way in which we parent while always holding on to the core values. 
   
5. Do you see your own father in you especially when you are disciplining your child/children? Yes. As I have raised our children and now are doing our best to invest our time and energy into our grandchildren I do find myself doing many of the same things that my dad did. For the most part, our discipline has been the same because we have both sought to train up our children and discipline them according to the Bible. While our culture continues to change, I am thankful that God Is unchanging and that His truth is also unchanging. So while we may adjust how we do things today versus 2000 years ago, the principles never change and they are as relevant today as they were back then.
   
6. So far, what is the best lesson you have learned from fatherhood?  While my father has taught me many things, by far, the greatest lesson my father has ever taught me was the importance of my relationship with my creator, God. It has been said, “A person is not truly ready to live until they are ready to die.” My father from a very early age taught me that I was a sinner, but that there was a God who truly loved me and desired to have a relationship with me in spite of my sin. My dad taught me from the Bible that God’s son, Jesus Christ, paid for my sin by dying on the cross for me and that if I wanted to have a relationship with God that all I must do is call on him to forgive me and save me. When I was 11 years old, I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me of my sins and to save me. Since that time, I have sought to follow God with my life and to love and serve Him each day. While I have not always been faithful to God as I should, God has always been faithful to me. I am thankful every day to my earthly father for pointing me to my Heavenly Father and instilling in me a desire to know God, love God and serve Him!
   
7. What do your kids call you? How does that make you feel? My children call me “Dad” and my grandchildren call me “BaBa.”  It is the greatest and most satisfying feeling ever!!!
   
8. How do you find balance between fatherhood and finding time for yourself? It seems that our world has become increasingly busier and busier. Finding balance in life can be very, very difficult. I believe that because my father instilled in me the importance of living for God and pleasing Him with my life, it has given me a pattern for balancing out my priorities in life. Without the Bible as a pattern to live my life by, it would be very easy to become distracted with things in life that are not really that important or necessary. While it is important to rest and relax and to find time for myself, if I am not careful, my life could become focused on me rather than loving God and loving others! As a father, I have tried to find a balance between the temporal and the eternal things. I have tried to remember that life is more than just the physical, material things of life, it also involves the mental, emotional, spiritual and social aspects of life as well. Because the greatest command is to love God and the second is loving others, I try to live my life with that focus. I have found that I am most happy when I am living my life for others rather than for myself. Yesterday (June 7th) I turned 57 years old. The entire day I spent my day with my grandkids. I had them stay overnight the night before and then we did fun things together all day. on my birthday! Instead of getting presents and doing things for myself, I spent my time and money on loving and serving them and investing in their lives! In the end, I had more enjoyment in loving them than I would have had in spending time and money on myself. I have found that time spent with others is actually more therapeutic than just spending time on myself. I have found that the most unhappy and depressed people in life are those people that are constantly focussed on themselves. Yes, we all need some time to ourselves from time to time, but the greatest way to find JOY is Jesus – Others – Yourself! 
   
9. What’s your best advice for new fathers? Start your parenting off right by giving your life to God and developing a relationship with Him! Follow God by reading God’s Word (Bible) each day. God has the answers for life! While the world may change, God does not! Love God and Others! Remember your Priorities – GOD, WIFE, then CHILDREN! Don’t live in the past! You can’t change the past, only the present! Live for the Eternal!
   
10. When was the last time you cooked/did something special just for yourself?

If I want to do something for myself, the last thing I would do is Cook! My wife will tell you that I am a terrible cook!

Last year in 2020, I had a hip replacement, a car accident, a heart attack which resulted in quadruple open heart by-pass surgery, and hand surgery. While I am only 57 years old as of yesterday (June 7th) and last year was a challenging year, I am so thankful that God and my family were with me at each step of the journey! Because of the heart attack, I am now forced to spend a little more time each day for myself by working out at the gym. I have lost over 30 pounds and am in the best shape since the time that I was a college wrestler.  

The challenges that I faced this past year have reminded me of all that I have to be thankful for. I have the privilege of being a husband to an amazing wife for 36 years, a father to three beautiful children and grandfather to four amazing kids! 

I am so blessed to be a Father and to have been given such a great example by my own Father!  I love you Dad!